Team Horseshoe Up Their Asses

I hate to admit it, but I am now cheering for the Frat Boys, Team Dandrew, to win The Amazing Race 13.

Lord knows they are the luckiest team ever to participate in TAR. They are in the final three with Nick/Starr and Ken/Tina. And they have done it by finishing either last or next to last in nearly every episode. They were only saved by a non-elimination in last week's episode.

Nick and Starr have won just about every leg -- and won't that be creepy when they have to take all those "romantic" trips when the race is over? But I digress -- and Ken and Tina have been near the top most of the race too.

I don't know. None of these people are particulary likeable, though Ken seems like a pretty cool dude. And you have to give him props for having to put up with Tina, who sometimes comes across as a beotch.

But the Frat Boys have overcome just about everything, including themselves, to finish in the final three. And they can thank my favorites before they were eliminated last night, mom/son duo Toni and Dallas. Dallas lost all of his team's money and passport while trying to complete a Roadblock in Moscow, and that pretty much sealed their fate.

So now we head into the season's final episode next Sunday. I can't believe it's almost over. I just hope they don't wait until next September to show The Amazing Race 14, which may have already completed filming.

That's just too long to wait.

Andrew and Dan photo courtesy CBS

The Amazing Survivor Race

Good news on both fronts: GC is gone from Survivor: Gabon and the blondes are gone from The Amazing Race.

GC deserved to go. And it tells you how much his tribe mates wanted him gone when they could have voted out Sugar, who has the immunity idol found on Exile Island. They even talked about backdooring Sugar, but in the end, they got rid of a cancer that quit on his team several times.

As for the blondes, Marissa and Brooke: If it's possible, you set the blonde nation back another 20 years. After finding out they were going to Auckland, New Zealand, Marisa wondered if the people there will like blondes as her cohort Brooke noted that they probably already have blondes in that country, since they’re not, like, rare or anything. As Saturday Night Live Weekend Update anchors Seth and Amy would say, "Really!"

But the best line of the night came from Dallas, when he was talking about his mom Toni having to deal with the natives during a Roadblock on Mount Eden. One team member had to choose an image of a tattoo worn by Maori warriors and match it to the face of an actual warrior. Dallas said he hoped the Maori don’t “eat his mom.” Now that's funny.

In the end, Ken and Tina took one of two Fast Forwards this season: Go directly to the Auckland Skytower, the tallest building in the Southern hemisphere at 1,076 feet, climb to the top and “pick up a friend," which happened to be a Travelocity Roaming Gnome! The gnome got them a trip to Rio. Bitches.

A bonus: With Phil on the mat in his native New Zealand was his dad, John!

Next week: Sarah's Terence (what a wuss) gets pulled over by the cops -- a traffic violation or hair crimes? Also, Kelly and Christy get nasty, making fun of Dallas’ hair and calling him Teen Wolf. Now there's an '80s reference we didn't need.

Philliminated Marisa and Brooke photo courtesy CBS

The Amazing Survivor Race

Why don't people read clues? Geez, with $1 million on the line, I'm reading everything, letter-by-letter.

Leave it to the nerds on The Amazing Race, a couple of guys who I thought were a lot smarter than that, to not read a very important clue -- use your legs not a cab -- and were eliminated in last week's episode that was filmed mostly in Bolivia. Maybe they really do live in the basement of the science building.

So who do I root for now? The Frat Boys? They don't seem to have an elevator that goes to the top floor either. I guess mother and son Toni and Dallas, who finished second, are the ones to root for now. I can't stand the blondes, Terrence & Sarah or Ken & Tina.

It's definite a very good season, despite my early disappointments with the eliminations. Can't wait for Sunday.

As for Survivor, the teams were redrawn and Jacquie ended up being voted out. Charlie, Marcus and Matty are my favorites -- it doesn't hurt that they are easy on the eyes -- and Randy is so obnoxious as to be likeable. But only to a point. He's a smart one and shouldn't be underestimated.

Tonight's episode looks interesting -- somebody disappears before a challenge. Hopefully it's GC. I don't want him hurt, just out of the competition.

Until next time ...

Nerds (Mark & Bill) photo courtesy CBS

The Amazing Survivor Race

And so they return, two of my favorite reality TV shows, Survivor and The Amazing Race.

First Survivor, which for the first time is being filmed in HD. Africa never looked so beautiful. Remember that on this show attitude, smarts and athleticism will get you everywhere. Which is why we said goodbye to Michelle (bad attitude) and Gillian (no athleticism at all) on opening night.

My favorites? Gay-boy Charlie of course, and his BFF Marcus. Physics teacher Bob seems to be quite a hoot, and though Randy is depressing, he knows how to to play the game. None of the chicks really float my boat, but you have to admit that anybody named Sugar has to be kind of fun. And I think she is and will be.

As for the best show on TV, The Amazing Race: Beekeepers/hippies Anita and Arthur we heardly knew ye. From Los Angeles to Brazil was as far as they made it, faltering at the Detour.

Their choices: Hard Way Up or Soft Way Down. Teams could either climb a stone staircase on their hands and knees (ouch) and be asked a mystery question at the top, or teams can choose to climb down a cargo net attached to a building that’s 240 feet down. Every team chooses the cargo net but the frats, Andrew and Dan. They preferred to wreck their knees by climbing the stairs, and they got the question at the top wrong: how many stairs were there? Back to the bottom, where they have to reclimb.

So back to the beehives with ye Anita and Arthur after taking a looooong time to climb the Soft Way Down.

My favorites here? The frat boys and the nerds, Mark and Bill. I can already tell I'm not going to like the Southern Belles (Marissa and Brooke -- why do we have to have dumb blondes on every TAR? But I digress). The Tina half of Ken and Tina is already annoying, too. And the brother/sister duo of Nick and Starr are just a little too touchy-feely for me.

So away we go. See you next week.

Anita and Arthur photo courtesy CBS

I told you so ...

... So Dan, the 24-year-old Catholic school teacher, becomes the first winner in Big Brother history to win with a unanimous vote (Memphis never stood a chance, especially after the Q&A session). And he deserved it.

The jury members finally got off their high horses and realized they were beaten by the best player in the game. It took a while, but good for them.

And hey, how about the greeting 75-year-old Jerry got when he showed up at the Jury House? They may have been in California, but it sure looked like they were in northern Canada. In the middle of a winter blizzard.

So another season of Big Brother is over. If The Amazing Race and Survivor weren't starting next week, I'm sure I'd be going into reality TV withdrawal.

While it's well known how much I'd love to be on TAR, BB would be my second choice. I love Survivor, and all the contestants on that show deserve a pat on the back. I just couldn't handle the bugs.

Or the lack of a fan. I'd never sleep.

The Amazing Race 13

Kind of like the kid in the Disney commercial: "I'm too excited to sleep."

That's how I feel about the season premiere of the 13th installment of The Amazing Race, set for Sept. 28.

To me, this is the best show on television. You get to see the raw emotions of people racing around the world trying to win $1 million. Ed and I entered four times, with no success. I also entered one time with my sister Cheryl, but again we were spurned. I would do just about anything to get on this show, so if you are reading/listening CBS, I'm your guy.

The cast looks like the usual assortment of crazies (you have to be a little crazy to do this show I think). But the couple that looks like it will provide the most entertainment are the 60-year-old hippies, Anita and Arthur.

I can't wait. For a preview of this season's contestants/cast, click here.

Anita and Arthur photo courtesy CBS

Reality TV returns ...

... I know. It never went away. But some of my favorites are about to be back, or will be shortly.

*Big Brother returns next Sunday, July 13.
*My all-time favorite, The Amazing Race, is back on Sept. 28 with its 13th edition.
*And Survivor kicks off the fall TV season on Sept. 22 with its latest edition in Gabon, Africa.

Can't wait for The Amazing Race especially, but September is still a ways away. Big Brother will do just fine holding down the fort until then...

Reality rewind

I know it's a little late, but I gotta give my two cents worth:

Survivor: Ugh. How Parvati ended up winning what had been a fairly exciting season is beyond me. No more All-Star stuff. Let's hope this next trip to Africa is a good one.

Big Brother: Ugh again. Adam? ADAM???

American Idol: Well, we knew a David would win. I just wanted it to be Archuleta, not Cook. Though he is good, as was the season.

And now, we're only a couple of months away from the return of The Amazing Race, which rumor has it, just completed filming season 13 in Portland, Ore. Season 14 follows next spring.

Can't wait.

Nice guys win 'Amazing Race 12'

The Amazing Race 12 is history. And the team I wanted to win did just that.

TK and Rachel (the hippies) beat Mr. Miagi and his daughter (Ron and Christina) and Gramps and the Kid (Don and Nick) to the finish line in Anchorage.

A friend of mine at work was disappointed that Mr. Miagi and his daughter didn't win, going so far as to say the hippies didn't deserve to win. Huh? I told him that either team was worthy, both won multiple legs. But ... TK and Rachel came from last place, with a speed bump no less, to win. I think that says something in and of itself. My friend said "but they were so far ahead." True. But we all know airports are the great equalizer on TAR, and again this proved to be true.

I was hoping Gramps and the Kid would rally, but they screwed up early in the finale when they didn't read the Detour clue correctly and had to do a U-turn and pick up supplies that they left behind.

Still, everybody was neck-and-neck going into the final Road Block,that saw the team members with the best memories (Rachel, Christina and Nick) placing an item from each city they visited onto a stage for their final clue. After a few dramatic one-shots and a commercial break, Rachel proved to have the best memory (No way dude!) and she and TK were off to the finish line.

TK and Rachel graciously accepted their prize (how I'd love to hear Phil start that final speech --"After 30,000 miles and four continents ...") but emphasized that their relationship was more important than the money they just won. Sure. That will change when they realize how much incense $1 million can buy.

I also had no problem with TK saying something to the effect of "Nice guys can definitely finish first." Arrogant? Maybe. But they won, despite the best efforts of others (namely Nate and Jen), who said they were too easy going and didn't deserve to win. TK can borrow a line from one of Ron's T-shirts in reply:

"Who's your daddy now?"

Thank God for TiVo and DVR. I can watch the last couple of episodes until TAR returns, probably in the fall. 

Until next time ...

Amazing Race 12

Finally, they are gone.

Nate and Jen were finally eliminated in last night's episode of The Amazing Race 12, one of the best of the season if not one of the best of the series.

The little blonde and her boyfriend --as we like to call them at work -- went out bickering. So what else is new? They may also be the dumbest competitors ever. Going to Taiwan, they were excited about getting to meet "Thai" friends and eating "Thai" food. Seriously -- people watching this must wonder what the U.S. education system is coming to.

And it was fun to watch them freak out when T.K. and Rachel -- who may be the most mellow, most laid back couple ever on the race -- caught up to them despite the speed bump, which involved running through a field of fireworks. No wins either, despite being in the final four. Oh well. Too bad so sad.

The final leg of this edition begins next week from Taipai, with Mr. Miagi and his daughter in the lead, followed by T.K. and Rachel and Gramps and the Kid ("We've been playing this game like bitches").

Mr. Miagi and his daughter continue to surprise, but my choice to win is T.K. and Rachel, and if not then Gramps and the Kid.

It's going to be a great fight to the finish...

Gramps and the Kid photo courtesy CBS

Amazing Race 12 ...

... They are down to the final four, but T.K. and Rachel face an uphill climb. They were last into the pit stop at Osaka, Japan, but because it was the final non-elimination leg of the race, they are safe for now. Phil told them they were already three hours behind the others, and they'll have to deal with the Speed Bump in next week's episode.

Looking at the previews for next week, they catch up, but you never know what happens to them on the Speed Bump. They are still my choice to win, with Grandpa and the Kid my next choice.

I had to laugh, though, because Nate and Jen failed to finish first -- again. Let's just hope that continues, though it would pain me to see them finally come in first and win the $1 million. That's the LAST thing I'd like to see happen.

The fourth couple? Mr. Miagi and his daughter? They were first again, but as long as he keeps treating his daughter like crap it's hard to cheer for them.

Until next week ...

T.K. and Rachel photo courtesy CBS

Cruisin'...

Three weeks from today Ed and I will be on the Celebrity Century, cruising on our way to Ocho Rios, Jamaica. From there it's on to the Cayman Islands before the return trip to Miami.

Can't wait. I've been driving Ed crazy about hotel rooms before and after the trip, constantly going to the website to check prices (we really got a pretty good deal -- 5 nights, $309 each, not counting excursions, gratuties, etc.). Before the trip was listed as SOLD OUT this morning, Inside Staterooms were going for as high as $800 at one point! They did come back down before selling out.

Anyway, we're going to to a zipline tour excursion in Jamaica. It'll probably be as close as I ever get to actually doing The Amazing Race. In Grand Cayman, we're going to do a Jeep 4x4 adventure. We did one in Cozumel on our first cruise. If this one is anything like that one, it's going to be a blast.

This will probably be our only vacation/big trip this year. Money's going to be a bit tighter since we've had some work done on the house ... and with layoffs/buyouts at work, I think we're going to have to keep a closer eye on the bottom line.

I haven't even decided yet if I'm going to play softball this year. Oh I'm going to definitely play/coach on my work team, but I'm wavering on my Sunday Gay league team, NITRO. I really like the team and those guys will always be my best friends. But you just have to wonder how long the window's going to be open for us to ever win the NAGAAA Gay World Series. We thought we'd have done it by now. Oh well. We'll see.

But you know what? It's too soon to be thinking softball. Our cruise awaits -- and then hopefully about two feet of snow when we get back...then I'll worry about playing with balls.

Where have I been???

Umm, away? Hell I don't know. I just know I haven't blogged since Sept. 30, 2007. Good God, that was last year!

A lot has happened since then, and maybe that's why I just haven't had the desire. First and foremost, the Cubs were 3 and done in the playoffs. To the Arizona Diamondbacks. Bastards.

The Bears' season just ended, though on a good note, with a 33-25 win over the New Orleans Saints (take that JW or whatever the hell your name is now). But by winning their final two games they actually screwed themselves a little bit. Now instead of fifth or sixth pick in the draft they get No. 14. Please, if you are reading this, DRAFT A QUARTERBACK WHO CAN ACTUALLY WIN IN CHICAGO. PICK A RUNNING BACK WHO ISN'T CEDRIC BENSON. Sorry. Had to vent.

My sister Sue is OK I guess. She had her lung cancer surgery and then proceeded to start smoking again. She seems to think that since they cut part of her lung out that all the cancer is gone. Sure. And I'm going to win Powerball this week too.

She does like the doctor she's currently seeing, though, and he may be just the one to change her mind about chemotherapy. We'll see.

In reality TV land, Survivor: China has come and gone, with Todd, our little cutie mormon gay flight attendant walking away with the million bucks. He deserved it. Kid Nation is also over and probably won't be back. I liked it, but it raised a lot of concern over child labor laws and such. Pshaw.

And last but not least, we're down to the final four on The Amazing Race 12: Grandpa Don & Nick, Nate & Jen (please let them lose this week, please, please, please), Ron & Christina (Asian father and daughter -- he really treats her like crap), and the hippies, Rachel & TK.

I'm pulling for the hippies and grandpa & Nick. It's been a great year so far. Too bad the Goths are one. They were pretty funny.

Alfred E. Newman courtesy MAD Magazine

Amazing Race All-Stars

Another season has come and gone. And now I'll probably have to wait until September or October to get my Amazing Race fix again. (Thank God for TiVO in case I want to watch this season again.)

Danielle and Eric came out on top in Sunday's season finale, most likely a fitting end for a team that had been crapped on a lot this season. I wasn't a big fan of the two, but after getting yielded twice and not winning a leg the entire race, they picked a good time to come out on top and win the $1 million. And Eric is great eye candy, so he's got that going for him, which is nice.

The final leg on the 28-day, five-continent, 45,000-mile trip took them from Guam to Hawaii to the final destination, San Francisco. The Beauty Queens were second (darn! -- please note my sarcasm) with Charla and Mirna third.

Charla and Mirna were ahead going into Hawaii, though, because they were smart in looking for earlier flights. But when it came to kayaking to a clue near an old shipwreck, they didn't stand a chance because of their size and a ferocious wind that knocked them back. They were still able to overcome that and get on the same flight with the other teams to San Francisco.

Give Charla and Mirna credit. To me, they ran the best race, and only came out on the short end of the stick -- so to speak -- because Danielle was more of a gossip and was able to click with Eric on the final detour. I say gossip because the task involved questions about other teams, and to open a safe combination the answers had to match. That gave them a 10-minute lead that they used to win.

They crossed the finish line at the Botanical Gardens, with host Phil Keoghan and the rest of the teams there to greet them. The strangest moment, though, came when Phil gave Eric a cellphone and let him call his partner Jeremy from Season 9 to let him know they had just won. Jeremy's response was something along the lines of "I'm rich beotch!" He also promised Eric a "spanking" upon his return.

Since Eric and Danielle have broken up (big surprise) since the end of the race, me wonders about Eric and Jeremy. Boyfriends?? Hmmm.... Now THAT would be amazing.

All in all a good race -- not great, but good. See you next season...

Eric and Danielle photo courtesy CBS

Amazing Race All-Stars

Go Charla and Mirna!

I can't believe I'm saying that but since Danny and Oswald were eliminated Sunday night, that's who I want to win out of the final three. I can't stand Mirna, but boy has Charla grown on me. So to speak.

My second choice is Eric and Danielle, but only because they've been "Yielded" twice and fought back from the brink several times.

The Beauty Queens? Oy vay. No way.

In Sunday's penultimate episode, Karma continued to bite Danny and Oswald in the ass. They just couldn't ever get a step ahead. They were close in Guam, but Oswald had trouble with the Roadblock, and with the 30-minute penalty they suffered for being last in last week's episode, it was just too much to overcome.

So now we're down to the final three. If you had asked me when the show started who I thought would be the final three I'd have said Rob & Amber, Danny & Oswald and probably Uchenna and Joyce, with the Guidos close behind.

Boy was I wrong. Which means I should probably cheer for the BQ's this week.

Charla and Mirna photo courtesy CBS

Amazing Race All-Stars

Oswald and Danny are still alive, but by the skin of their teeth.

They are still my favorites to win, but they made a pact with the devil on Sunday night (the Beauty Queens) and it nearly came back to "bite them in the ass" (their words).

Danny and Oswald were out of money, so they made a deal with the BQ's -- if you give us some cash, we'll "Yield" Eric and Danielle, who had already been yielded once in the race. Well they did, but when they got lost during a Detour, they ended up last at the pit stop in Macau, China. But in a surprise, it was the final non-elimination leg of the race, keeping them alive, but marking them for elimination next week.

Charla and Mirna were a little taken aback by D&O too -- they told them that had they waited, they would have given D&O some cash with no strings attached.

As it is, the BQ's finished first, Charla and Mirna second, and despite being marked for elimination last week and being yielded this week, Danielle and Eric finished third.

Hopefully, D&E will be eliminated next week. I've tried to like them, but just can't. They are whiney, and while he's fun to look at, he's not got much upstairs and continues to make homophobic statements (though he's probably so dumb he doesn't even realize it).

My prediction: D&O win, Charla and Mirna finish second and the BQ's third.

Pretty please??

Urban disaster

Well, disaster may be too strong of a word.

Ed and I ran the Urban Dare on Saturday (with the help of my sister Cheryl, sitting in front of her computer in Des Moines, Iowa. Thanks Cheryl!). We were doing pretty well until the final three clues -- and then we figured out we screwed up a dare at the Iwo Jima memorial.

We watch The Amazing Race and yell at the contestants all the time for not reading the clue correctly. Well, duh, we did the same thing. There was a dare at the memorial, but all we thought we had to do was take our picture in front of the memorial. So even if we had completed the final three tasks, we would have been penalized for not doing that particular clue/dare correctly.

That's why we are thinking of doing it again when Urban Dare returns to the D.C. area in September. Ed said "let's do the one in Philadelphia." Umm, sure, we did so well in the D.C. one that of course we'll do even better in a city we know nothing about.

Oh well. You live, you learn, you move on.

The Urban Dare awaits

If I'm skipping the opening day of softball season, you know it must be important. Since Ed and I probably will never be participants in The Amazing Race, we're doing the next best thing: the Urban Dare.

The Urban Dare is a one-day mini Amazing Race. A couple of years ago, we did the Urban Challenge, which has since gone the way of the Dodo bird. Teams of 2 solve clues to find checkpoints where they must perform dares. Walking or using public transportation, we should finish in less than 4 hours -- the winners are expected to finish in about 3. The picture at left shows the winners of last year's race in San Francisco.

Can't wait. It's going to be as close as I ever get to traveling the world -- even if it is only Washington, D.C.

Amazing Race All-Stars

Now that the power is back, I can report that this was a non-elimination leg of AR, with Eric and Danielle marked for elimination next week.

Oswald and Danny were first into the pit stop in Hong Kong, taking advantage of the Fast Forward to bolt to the front. They had to go head over heels in a car in a movie stunt, and did it in their own fabulous way. Only this time they didn't chase Phil Koegan around the mat, which was pretty funny earlier in the race.

The Beauty Queens were second, with Charla and Mirna third.

Four teams remain, and next week is not the season-ender on CBS. Which is good, because I don't know how I'll get my fill of AR until it returns this fall.

Thank God for TiVo.

Phil Keoghan photo courtesy CBS

Amazing Race All-Stars

There will be no repeat for Uchenna and Joyce.

The Amazing Race 7 winners were eliminated Sunday night, their fate sealed by missing a connection in Frankfurt on their way to Kuala Lumpur. They knew they would be in trouble if they were delayed at all, and the 10 minutes they lost were enough to knock them out.

The Beauty Queens won the leg, but will have some serious competition next week from Danielle and Eric, who finished third despite being "yielded" by the blondes. Eric had the best line of the night at that point, calling the Beauty Queens "dirty hookers."

Eric and Danielle made up some good time when Oswald and Danny had trouble deciding which Roadblock to to, and it didn't help that Danny was oh so wrong about the cookie challenge. He thought you had to bite into one cookie in each of 600 boxes to find the one box with the licorice, when in fact you had to bite into EACH of the cookies to find the one with licorice. Oh well. They finished fourth.

A surprising second? Charla and Mirna, who continue to confound the experts, me included. I still hope Oswald and Danny win, but part of me wants to see Mirna and Chmirna knock out the Beauty Queens and Eric and Danielle.

Four teams remain ... Who will be eliminated, next?

Beauty Queens photo courtesy CBS