Jimmy Kimmel vs. Sarah Silverman

So by now, you've probably all heard about Sarah Silverman, the girlfriend of ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, doing a video where she says she's "effing Matt Damon." When Kimmel saw that video for the first time, you could have heard a pin drop.

Well he got his revenge on Oscar night, broadcasting a video of him "effing Ben Affleck."

First the Silverman short, followed by the boyfriend.

By the way, hasn't Jimmy Kimmel come a long way from his days on Win Ben Stein's Money and The Man Show? He's actually a funny guy.

Enjoy.

Bud Light commercial

This commercial was supposed to run during the Super Bowl, but was considered too controversial for TV.

Too bad. It's fricking hilarious.

Little brown bears and gnats

So baseball season is upon us, with Opening Day only a month away.

So far so good in the Cubs camp, though Mark DeRosa's heart procedure -- he had an irregular heartbeat -- does concern me, even though the team says he'll be back on the field next week. Makes me wonder how long GM Jim Hendry will wait before finally pulling the trigger on getting second baseman Brian Roberts from the Orioles. If, of course, owner Peter Angelos signs off on it.

And the Washington Nationals are counting down to the opening of their brand spanking new ballpark. There are still a lot of issues to be resolved -- like traffic, parking and a so far unfinished Navy Yard Metro stop. We have tickets to the exhibition game on March 29 against the Orioles and the opener the following night against the Braves on ESPN.

There could be mayhem.

It's the start of Fantasy season, too. I'm in a league again with my friend K.C. and sister Cheryl. My team name this year is "Got Fuku?" I got the idea from some t-shirts I saw for sale on bleedcubbieblue.com after the Cubs signed Japanese outfielder Kosuke Fukudome.

And if it ever warms up, we might be able to get out on the practice fields for softball.

I guess I need to remember it's still winter.

IDOL thoughts

After watching the chicks do their thing last night on American Idol, I'm convinced this is going to be a guy's year to win.

At this point, the competition is over, with 17-year-old David Archuleta by far the best singer of the remaining 20. Like the judges said last night, hopefully the others learned something from Simon Cowell's comments on Tuesday, when he said there were "19 miserable people" after Archuleta belted out John Lennon's Imagine.

And that's the other thing? Why doesn't EVERYBODY listen to what Simon Cowell has to say? He's really the only one of the trio of Randy "Dawg" Jackson, Paula "Sleepy" Abdul and Cowell who knows what he's talking about. Well, Randy does too, but he gets lost by the time Paula's finished her praise of every contestant who ever graced an Idol stage.

After tonight, 16 will be left. Should be interesting...

Idol judges, and Ryan Seacrest, photo courtesy Fox.

THIS ... is AMERican IDol

David Archuleta's performance on Tuesday night was, by a million hands down, the best performance I've ever seen on American Idol.

I was scared when I heard he was going to do John Lennon's Imagine, but he gladly proved me wrong.

Like Simon says, he's definitely the one to beat. And he's only 17.

Back from Little Rock

Let me just start by saying that most of my trip back home was good. It was an eventful trip, to say the least.

Josh and I flew in to Little Rock (pictured above) on Thursday night, a non-stop on United from Dulles. When we got to LR, Josh's luggage was there, but mine wasn't. So I made a claim and found out my bag was in Charlotte. CHARLOTTE, as in North Carolina. How a bag on a non-stop flight with about 20 people on board got to Charlotte, I'll never know. The only comment from the person on the other line about how it got lost was "Dulles is a very big airport." Um, OK.

So, I had to go out and buy a new suit for my Uncle Robert's funeral. Including shoes, belt, tie and toiletries, I spent about $250, which United is going to pay if I have anything to say about it.

But it doesn't end there. On the return flight, we were supposed to leave Little Rock on Sunday at 1:41 p.m. Well, we didn't leave until about 4, and there was nobody at the gate to tell us this. If I hadn't checked the flight on my iPhone, we'd have never known. At least my bag arrived this time.

But needless to say, I'll probably never fly United again.

As for the family, Sue isn't doing very well at all. She's having a bad time with the chemo and, despite having only two treatments left, says she's not doing anymore. Somehow we have to change her mind. I know it seems bad now, and after seeing her with my own eyes, I'm more worried about her than ever. But she's got to change her mind and attitude if she's going to beat this thing.

Brenda's doing well, still going to college, and is on track to graduate in May. She's finally on a diet, NutriSystem, and she seems to like it. She knows she has to lose some weight for her health, and if she plans to get a job after college. She has to pay those loans back somehow.

Ron's happier than a pig in sh*t, too. I bought him a new TV, a 20-inch Samsung. He had a TV, but he had fiddled around with it when he first got it, and now through the cable he was seeing a lot of snow. I warned him that he'd face the wrath of God if he fooled around with this one.

While we were at Ron's setting up the TV, a fire broke out on the second floor of his building, the Albert Pike Hotel. Kind of freaked us out a bit because at one point, we tried to go down an exit stairwell and it was filled with smoke. Never been through anything like that and don't care to again.

The fire was brought under control pretty quickly though, so everything turned out OK.

That's pretty much my trip in a nutshell. Back to the Rock in May. Before that, Cheryl and Val will be coming out to see the Cubs and Nationals play at the end of April.

Now if we can just get Sue on the right track ...

Reality TV update

I'm so glad Jen is gone from Big Brother 9. I feel a little bad for Parker, but Jen did nothing but stir up trouble while she was there.

Now with pink-mohawk James and Chelsia in charge, who gets evicted this week will be interesting. They promised Matt and Natalie that they wouldn't be put up, but if you know anything about Big Brother, don't believe a word anybody says.

And James, nice tattoos. I have three myself. But CBS obviously doesn't like what two of them depict, because they shaded over them at every opportunity Sunday. Click here to see what they say. And James -- if your secret on your gay porn past is revealed, look out.

As for Survivor, Yau-Man, we hardly knew ye. The long-time favorite was voted out at the last tribal council. Too bad. For a small guy, he was pretty smart and pretty physical. The others should have been worried because if he had found the hidden immunity idol, he'd have coasted to the final, again.

Until next week ...

James and Chelsia photo courtesy CBS

Heading to Little Rock

Josh and I are heading out to Arkansas on Thursday. My Uncle Robert (on my dad's side) died Tuesday.

Hadn't seen the man in many years, and in fact, sister Cheryl and I had some unpleasant moments with him growing up. But he and my dad were pretty close, and I think I owe it to him to go and pay my last respects.

It will also give me a good chance to catch up with my siblings. Sue has had her second chemo treatment -- hopefully, the effects aren't as bad as the first. Brenda's getting ready to graduate from college, which means a return trip to the Rock in May. And Ron is the picture of health from what I'm hearing. Let's hope so.

Cheryl won't be able to make it. I lucked out into a plane ticket/rental car for $250. She would have to pay about $900 to fly this late out of Des Moines, and there are winter storm warnings up all over Iowa, Missouri and Arkansas were she to decide to drive. I think she made the right decision.

Back on Monday. Hopefully, with plenty of updates on Survivor and Big Brother!

Way to go Ed ...

122,788 People

Nice.

Stolen from Ed's blog. Yikes.

A different set of Jaws

The movie Strange Wilderness got some of the worst reviews of any movie ever made.

This scene -- which I can't believe I haven't posted until now; Ed posted one on his blog the other day -- makes me laugh, makes Ed laugh, makes Josh laugh. It just makes everybody laugh, and apparently was the only funny scene in the movie.

I think Ed explained it on his blog, but this shark's laugh sounds like the laugh of the bingo lady on our Celebrity cruise last month. And that was about the time all the trailers starting hitting the radio and TV.

Isn't it kind of sad that our cruise might best be remembered for a laughing bingo lady/shark??

Could this be THE year?

I've been laying low since the unofficial start of spring training, trying to temper my enthusiasm for what I believe is going to be a magical season on the North Side of Chicago.

The Cubs seem to have all the ingredients for a World Series run -- Fukudome. Soriano. Ramirez. Lee. DeRosa. Theriot. Zambrano. Lilly. Wood. Maybe Brian Roberts. Another season under manager Lou Piniella (at top).

And if they did win, it would break a 100-year drought. Which also means I'm probably setting myself up for another dose of huge disappointment. To wit:

*1969: I was 9 the first time the Cubs broke my heart. Eight-game lead on the Mets in August, then the black cat at Shea Stadium. Miracle Mets go on to win the World Series.
*1984: Cubs take 2-0 lead on Padres in NLCS, winning both games at home. Cubs fly to San Diego, Steve Garvey blasts one, a ball goes through Leon Durham's legs and the Cubs are done. I'll never forgive then-Commissioner Peter Ueberroth for giving the Padres the home-field advantage in that series. Because there were no lights at Wrigley Field, television ratings would suffer if there weren't more games on in primetime. He even threatened to play the games at Comiskey Park or in of all places, St. Louis.
*1989: The Will Clark vs. Mark Grace series. I was sitting on the first-base line at Wrigley in Game 1 -- my first ever playoff game -- when Clark hit the grand slam off Greg Maddux. I was crushed. Great series, even though the Cubs lost in five games.
1998: I was also in attendance for Game 3 against the Braves, who won 6-2 to sweep the NL Division Series. I'll always remember this game because I flew in and met my sister Cheryl and her girlfriend Val at the game. I was supposed to stay at my buddy KC's house in Waukegan, but decided to drive back to Des Moines with Cheryl that night, thinking I could just call AirTran and pay a couple of bucks to change my ticket. Oh no. We ended up staying overnight in the Quad Cities area and I had to fly out of there the next morning. For like twice the original cost of the ticket. And I had to pay the hotel overnight. Sherry snored. It was a long night.
2003: Five outs from the World Series. Steve Bartman. Alex Gonzalez. My world crumbles. Marlins end up beating Yankees in World Series.
2007: Put Brewers in their place before folding like a tent against the Diamondbacks in the NLDS.
*2008: Who are the idiots that continue to keep my all-time Cub favorite Ron Santo out of the Hall of Fame? Do this man justice while he can still enjoy it.

So there you have it.

I do feel differently this year though. There's just something different in the air as the first crack of the bat approaches.

It's called hope. And faith. Or maybe I'm just being sucked in again.

It appears I'm a glutton for punishment.

Could it be?

Another try at my own version of The Amazing Race? Well, maybe.

Last year Ed and I took part in the Urban Dare, which bills itself as "Part photo hunt, part trivia, and part dares." It was fun, but we didn't do particular well. We may try again in this year's event, which is scheduled for April 19.

And a few years ago we participated in another Urban Dare-like contest. Didn't fare too well in that one either.

But in my email box this morning was an email from a Jason who said he read my blog. I couldn't believe it! Somebody other than Ed and other close friends and family actually saw my blog. I'm almost blushing!

Anway, this one is called High Trek Adventure. It seems very Urban Dare-like also, billing itself as "Solve! Race! Win!" What is High Trek Adventure you ask? Here's their definition:

"High Trek Adventure is a unique, one-of-a-kind urban adventure game where brains beat brawn! Teams of 2 solve clever clues and face fun challenges all while navigating the urban jungle via foot or on public transportation! It's a scavenger hunt, with all the thrills of the amazing race, mixed in with trivial pursuit, throw in a mini road race and add a dash of cat-and-mouse. And voila! You've got High Trek Adventure!"

But the D.C. version isn't until Sept. 20, which does seem light-years away, as Jason said. But it looks like fun. I think I'll sign us up for both races this year.

Updates to come...

Survivor, Big Brother updates

Hmmm. Watched Big Brother 9 last night and no mention of Neil's departure. Ed says they just haven't caught up with what was already filmed. Though there was a lot less of him and Joshuah on Sunday night. A lot less. I guess Julie Chen will fill us in on the live version Thursday.

In the meantime, what an idiot Jen is. Telling everybody in the house that she and Ryan came into the house as boyfriend/girlfriend pretty much sealed her fate. Even if she wins the Power of Veto on Tuesday, Ryan and Sheila will be voted off. And that's too bad because everybody's finding out that Sheila's not the bad guy in all this.

As for Survivor, the favorites got a bit of revenge by winning immunity this week. Fan Mary was voted off in a blindsided vote that really targeted her strongest alliance, Mikey B, who thought he was running the show. Welcome to Survivor, Mikey B.

And I'm telling you, watch out for Ozzy. He may be the best athlete Survivor has ever had. And it doesn't hurt that he's cute.

And why is there a picture of James from Big Brother? (courtesy CBS)? Nothing in particular. He just makes me laugh.

This would not be one of our Dalmatians ...

Speaking of dogs ...

... Found this one stumbling. How funny.

One handsome dog

Though I was quite dismayed there was not a Dalmatian in Best in Show at the Westminster Dog Show, I do have to say that Uno, the winner, is one fine looking pooch. Hard to believe a Beagle had never won Best in Show.

Thank God neither one of those silly-looking white poodles won. What a disgrace. Gives all dogs a bad name.

Big Brother 9 shocker

So I was all ready to tell you what an idiot Jacob was and how it got him and his ex-girlfriend Sharon kicked off the show when I read that half of the gay team of Neil and Joshuah are no longer on the show. Neil is gone, and Sharon is back.

Here's the latest from Towleroad. For those of you who have been watching Big Brother 9 (which has been pretty great so far) some rather stunning developments happened after last night's show on the live feeds concerning gay team Neil and Joshuah.

SPOILERS - Do not read any further if you don't want to read SPOILERS...

When the live feeds came on last night. Neil was gone, and Joshuah was seen packing Neil's suitcase and crying. No explanation was given.

Via GuyTVBlog: "It turns out that one of the guys, I can't remember who, reveals to other houseguests that Joshuah and Neil had their FIRST KISS in the kitchen earlier last night. Then sometime later Neil gets called into the Diary Room and is apparently told something, no one knows for sure. He NEVER comes back into the house. Joshuah is then called into the Diary Room and is told that his partner Neil is no longer part of the game. Allison Grodner, Big Brother 9's Executive Producer, apparently told Joshuah that he now has to pick between eliminated houseguests Jacob or Sharon to be his new partner. Joshuah makes his pick and then leaves the Diary Room. The houseguests are gathered in the living room and are told that Neil is no longer part of the game. No one is talking about the reason but Neil is OUT. They then tell the houseguests that a replacement player will enter the house. Everyone at this point apparently shouted out with happiness except Joshuah, being highly emotional, is livid that everyone has quickly forgotten about Neil. So in walks Joshuah's replacement... Sharon! Joshuah escapes to the bedroom where he and Neil slept together for the game and starts packing Neil's personal belongings, as instructed. Later in the night we find out from Joshuah that when he walked into the Diary Room that Neil's cup and microphone were left on the couch. Joshuah is upset that he didn't even get to say goodbye to Neil. Joshuah also reveals he was crying for about 20 minutes while the BB people were asking for Joshuah to make a decision as to who he wanted to be his new partner.

I, too hope everything is OK. Drama after only two episodes. Should be a good season.

Neil (left) and Joshuah courtesy CBS

The five most beautiful words in the English language

With thanks and appreciation, I stole this from bleedcubbieblue.com.

PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY!

In case anybody was wondering ...

... It's 47 days, 13 hours, 36 minutes until the Chicago Cubs open the season. It's 15 days, 14 hours, 21 minutes until the first spring game!

Hunka, hunka cheese

This one makes me snort too...

Fitness Bear

This cracks me up every time I see it ...

Kevin Pollock doing Christopher Walken

Actor/comedian Kevin Pollock is dead on in his impersonation on Letterman.

I love Christopher Walken ...

... so to celebrate, two great videos. The first one is from the Fat Boy Slim video Weapon of Choice.

I don't know why, but I chuckled pretty hard ...

Roger Clemens comes clean ...

... Pretty funny. Though recent developments may make it more true than he will ever admit. Didn't he learn anything from Pete Rose??

All in the Family

So Josh has been here a couple or three weeks and seems to be settling in. He found a job in the historic Occaquan part of Virginia at a restaurant called the Virginia Grille. Seems to be a nice fit.

But he just found out that his twin brother Jeff, who lives in Little Rock, has to have a biopsy on his neck next week because of some swelling and pain he's had in his lymph nodes there. Lord knows that's all we need, what with Sue in the middle of chemo treatments for her lung cancer.

Jeff and their other brother Jeremy showed their support for Sue by shaving their heads. Good for them, though Josh says he's not going to join that club.

Anyway, Josh may have to go back to Little Rock at some point, though we were both planning on going back in May for Brenda's college graduation. We'll see what happens.

Speaking of Brenda I'm assuming she's happy as a clam since she got her computer back. And haven't heard from Ron in a while. Will have to see what trouble he's getting into.

NFL thoughts ...

... I know it's a little late but ...

I was really disappointed the New York Giants won Super Bowl XLII. I really wanted the New England Patriots to win, for a couple of reasons. First, they were 18-0. That means something. While 18-1 is nice, the last loss means you screwed up in the most important game of the season. Congrats to Eli Manning for escaping that last sack, and to receiver David Tyree for making the catch that really wasn't because the nose of the ball hit the turf when he went down.

Second, I wanted them to win to shut up Mercury Morris of the Miami Dolphins. OK, fine. You guys were 17-0. In 1972. Different time, different game. Get over yourself.

And last but not least, the Washington Redskins finally have a head coach. Jim Zorn. Who? Yes, that Jim Zorn, the old Seahawks quarterback who used to light it up with Steve Largent. But doesn't he seem to be in over his head? I mean seriously, how can you call the team's colors maroon and black when everybody -- EVERYBODY in this area anyway -- knows they are burgundy and gold?

Good luck James. With Danny Boy Snyder owning this team, your leash will be short.

Zorn photo courtesty AP

Weird weather

So since we've been back from the cruise, the temperature's been rather warm, in the 50s to near 60. Today we woke up and it was about 10. What the f**k?

Guess I shouldn't complain too much. About 10 inches of snow on the ground in Iowa, and about 20 on the ground in Waukegan, Ill., where my friend KC lives. And it's been about 10 degrees there for about a month.

Oh to be back on the boat. I'm already checking for cruises for next year. But it'll be at least March of 2009 before we can do anything since Ed starts his new job Monday. He's leaving the Comfort Inn DC for The Melrose in downtown DC. I think he'll be much happier.

But I won't be until I'm back on another boat about a year from now...

Sister Sue update

Well, Sue finally got her head shaved and seemed OK about it. Husband Sammy even joined in by getting his hair cut really short.

She has only three more chemo sessions to go, with the next one on Thursday. She said recently that if the side effects were as bad this time as they were after the first she wouldn't do any more. But I think they've got the right cocktail worked out, so she'll be OK.

That would totally suck if she decided to quit halfway through. But then again she still smokes too. Just can't figure her out sometimes.

Drake Bulldogs

Suddenly, the basketball team from Des Moines, IA is all the rage. My sister Cheryl lives there and has been going to games, and I've been a fan for many years (I even proudly wear a Drake sweatshirt).

The Bulldogs could do some real damage in the NCAA Tournament, which is only a few weeks away. They are 22-1, 13-0 in Missouri Valley Conference and have won 21 games in a row. They still have some convincing to do though as they are only ranked 15th in the nation.

I have to give credit to Ed's brother Chris, who jumped on the Drake bandwagon sometime ago. I thought it was kind of strange at the time that he would be cheering for Drake, but maybe he knew something nobody else did. Check out his blog here.

Reality TV overload

So the latest installment of Survivor began last week, Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites. It's set in Micronesia (Palau). Looks like it's going to be pretty good.

A lot of big egos on the favorites side, so I was glad to see them get their asses handed to them by the favorites in the first episode. And I was also glad to see Johnny Fairplay, he of the dead grandmother who really wasn't, getting his butt voted out first. Whether or not he was lying about not being into it because of a pregnant girlfriend at home or not, I'm just glad he's gone.

Ozzy, Yau-Man and James are my picks to click on the favorites side. Erik and gay man Chet appear to be the interesting ones on the fans side. The first fan that needs to go? Kathleen, who when she greeted Chet last week said something to the effect of "I've never met a gay man before." Come on honey, there's probably one in your family right now. And the previews don't look too good for her next week anyway.

Tomorrow is the beginning of Big Brother 9. Can't wait for that either. Julie Chen promises lots of twists and turns in this one, including people being paired up before they go in the house. They'll be doing everything together, including sleeping and getting voted off. Should be interesting. Two gays are on the show too. Did I say it should be interesting?

Ozzy photo courtesy CBS

The cruise ...

... As I said in a previous post, our trip to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands is over. But what a cruise it was. I can't wait until the next one, maybe next year with Ed's parents.

Jamaica was beautiful, but very poor. In contrast, Grand Cayman was gorgeous and rich, the complete opposite of Jamaica. And while I had a GREAT time in both countries, the ziplining canopy tour in Jamaica was one of the highlights of the trip. We did a 4x4 Jeep adventure in Grand Cayman, but the weather had been dry lately, so the four-wheeling was somewhat of a letdown. But we did get to see a lot of the island, and we visited Hell, which was a trip in and of itself.

Ed has set up a website with lots of pictures, and if you visit his blog you'll get to see a funny video of a woman who's dancing leaves a lot to be desired. But it was quite funny.

More to come ...

Heath Ledger

How sad such a bright light was snuffed out so early. It's also very sad to find out that he died from an accidental overdose of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

If there was any good news out of the official cause of death, it's that no illegal drugs were found in his system.

There's a lesson to be learned in all of this. I just hope the rest of Hollywood gets it.

Brittany Spears, the train wreck of the year -- are you listening??

Heath Ledger as the Joker from The Dark Knight, out this summer

We're back!

And how unfortunate is that? I haven't been able to blog much because of work, Josh, etc. But I'll be giving my two cents worth on plenty of issues in the next couple of days.

I know you all can't wait ...